The 12 Days of (Puppy) Christmas

We acquired a puppy this year.  Not a cute, cuddly little thing that fits in the palm of your hand, but a 30-pound, frisky chew-machine that has yet to learn his manners. 

I know, I know.  Such a sourpuss. 

Kids love dogs.  Dogs are great for the family.  He will grow out of this "puppy" thing.  Blah, blah, blah. 

Here's the thing.  I'm a cat person.  Cats are quiet, low maintenance and pretty much mind their own business.

I'm struggling to see the charm of an animal that eats chunks out of the kids' flip flops, leaves half-chewed rawhide bones in every corner of my home and follows me everywhere I go like, well, like a LOST PUPPY. 

But, the kids love the dog.  My husband loves the dog.  And I love all of them.  So I have composed a song, in attempt to bring lighthearted joy to my season of doggy discontent. 

Smitty, this one is for you, my rambunctious puppy friend.

The 12 Days of (Puppy) Christmas

On the first day of Christmas
my puppy gave to me
a leg dampened by his pee.

On the second day of Christmas
my puppy gave to me
2 am wakeup
and a leg dampened by his pee.

On the third day of Christmas
my puppy gave to me
3 fragrant belches
2am wakeup
and a leg dampened by his pee.

On the fourth day of Christmas
my puppy gave to me
4 hidden turds
3 fragrant belches
2am wakeup
and a leg dampened by his pee.

On the fifth day of Christmas
my puppy gave to me
5 CHEWED....UP.....SHOES
4 hidden turds
3 fragrant belches
2am wakeup
and a leg dampened by his pee. 

On the sixth day of Christmas
my puppy gave to me
6 bones-a-rotting
5 CHEWED....UP.....SHOES
4 hidden turds
3 fragrant belches
2am wakeup
and a leg dampened by his pee. 

On the seventh day of Christmas
my puppy gave to me
7 toys-a-trashed
6 bones-a-rotting
5 CHEWED....UP.....SHOES
4 hidden turds
3 fragrant belches
2am wakeup
and a leg dampened by his pee.

On the eighth day of Christmas
my puppy gave to me
8 manners-not-minded
7 toys-a-trashed
6 bones-a-rotting
5 CHEWED....UP.....SHOES
4 hidden turds
3 fragrant belches
2am wakeup
and a leg dampened by his pee.

On the ninth day of Christmas
my puppy gave to me
9 kids knocked over
8 manners-not-minded
7 toys-a-trashed
6 bones-a-rotting
5 CHEWED....UP.....SHOES
4 hidden turds
3 fragrant belches
2am wakeup
and a leg dampened by his pee.

On the tenth day of Christmas
my puppy gave to me
10 snouts-a-sniffing
9 kids knocked over
8 manners-not-minded
7 toys-a-trashed
6 bones-a-rotting
5 CHEWED....UP.....SHOES
4 hidden turds
3 fragrant belches
2am wakeup
and a leg dampened by his pee.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
my puppy gave to me
11 rug spots ruined
10 snouts-a-sniffing
9 kids knocked over
8 manners-not-minded
7 toys-a-trashed
6 bones-a-rotting
5 CHEWED....UP.....SHOES
4 hidden turds
3 fragrant belches
2am wakeup
and a leg dampened by his pee.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
my puppy gave to me
12 doggie kisses
11 rug spots ruined
10 snouts-a-sniffing
9 kids knocked over
8 manners-not-minded
7 toys-a-trashed
6 bones-a-rotting
5 CHEWED....UP.....SHOES
4 hidden turds
3 fragrant belches
2am wakeup
and a leg dampened by his pee.